Sunday, December 23, 2012

conversations with dad part two / part three / part four

Euginia Tan's debut collection of poetry, Songs About Girls, was published in 2012. She still writes, eats and sleeps. Send her love to: www.farkmepumps.tumblr.com.

conversations with dad part two

who asked you to listen to your mother?
no way in hell did i
i would never suggest such a stupid thing to do
and you should never ever take her seriously
so ask her to shut the fuck up
especially when she tells you things like that
no one tells you what not to do
apart from me
you understand?
let's go and celebrate would you like to have
some supper with me
i'll grab a couple of beers and
you can have seafood.
your favourite.


conversations with dad part three

(hello? dad is that you?)
yes yes yes
i have something to tell you.
two things
some idiot got in trouble today
did you hear about it from your unc
stormed into the female toilet
whilst some lady was changing
let me rephrase...
she was NAKED. AS. A. BABY.
did you hear me? (yes i did dad clear as day)
no no you don't get it... i said. NAKED.
NAKED I SAY. let me tell you...
hooooooooo-wee. i sure would like
to see some naked bodies but of course
not in this imbecilic manner
in the cold light of day! and did i mention
that lady was naked?
(dad what is the other thing that
you were going to -)
oh yes that's right. your mother and i had a fight
so i won't be sending her to the airport next week.
if she asks why just tell her i have a meeting
about that stupid boy
who charged into the girls' bathroom
walking in on a NEKKID.
NAY-CURD. LADDAYE.
okay bye luv
have a nice night.


conversations with dad part four

to: daughter
subject: dick
hi.
would like to ask what this word means? dick.
to: dad
subject: dad this is to be the new subject okay? that was just too awkward.
hey dad
i don't know why you didn't know this earlier and i am genuinely appalled.
dick means penis, dad.
to: daughter
subject: sorry about that
WHAT?!
but i have a friend named dick?!
oh crap. i told my client that dick meant anus. will have to clear that up now and
phone him up again.
in case you're wondering, this is a gay sex case.
which is why i had to ask.
and which also explains why i thought dick meant anus.
sorry about that.
-
to: daughter
subject: sorry about that
called the fellow up and told him to edit likewise.
said
there's been a mistake, the daughter says that
dick means penis, and not the back of the butt,
like we thought.
please change it quickly.

also called my friend dick up and made fun of his name
he had no idea too but he isn't going to change it,
anyway. just to let you know
dinner at eight tonight. thanks for the help.

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