Wednesday, March 20, 2013

GINGERBREAD NAZIS / THE FEELING

MY NAME IS MARK SLADE AND I LIKE TO MELT DOWN BATTERIES AND DRINK THE LIQUID AS A BREAKFAST FOR THE CHAMPIONS.

 
GINGERBREAD NAZIS

 
 Dan slipped into an oven and was magically carried into the land of the Gingerbread. He was immediately taken in by the witch Fiona. She gave Dan an inter-dimensional cream pie in exchange for his collection of Jerry Lewis sound bites he had cleverly sewn into his belly button.

Suddenly, the Gingerbread Nazis forced their way into Fiona's house of candy canes and arrested her on the spot, relocating her to a camp for witches to bake more Gingerbread Nazis.

Dan was found by his wife, over baked. She found the cream pie and consumed it.

A one way ticket home.

 
                                                        THE FEELING

 
 
Luna enterd the cafe with a hand attached to the front of her dress. She sat in the booth facing the streetlight peering inside the window of the cafe. Under the streetlight was man that crawled in and out of the trash cans that were in a circle. His long worm-like body slithered around the cold hard pavement in circles, then back in one of the trash cans, and out again. The cycle continued the entire time Luna was in the cafe.

            She watched this man, and noticed his naked gray skin was illuminated by the light from the streetlight. She could see every terrible boil on his dry flaky skin. Skin particles and a slimy oil residue was left on sidewalk in an almost cryptic message.

This made the hand that was attached to Luna's dress very nervous.

He wasn't the most outgoing of hands or even body parts for that matter. Though he did become friendly with a female foot next door. They would sit in the foot's room, drink Sangria and listen to Nick Drake records. Luna didn't like the foot very much. She was very jealous. So she tried very hard to prevent the hand from seeing the foot. Often hiding his cell phone, or deleting his messages on Facebook.

               This put a division in Luna and the hand's relationship for a time. Just a week or so ago, they began to talk. Mostly about the Russian Revelation and chocolate fingers.

Still, the worm-like man crawling in and out of trash cans made the hand nervous. And when the waitress came to take their order, the hand leaped from the front of Luna's dress and attached itself to the waitress' face.

The waitress ran through the crowded cafe screaming, knocking dishes into customers and dumping a mop bucket on the owner's feet. After a few minutes of this folly, the hand removed itself from the waitress' face.

With all eyes on them, and whispers to their backs, Luna and her hand left the cafe, only slightly embarrassed.

On the street, under the streetlight, the worm-like man settled out in front of one of the trash cans. He smiled hugely at Luna and the hand, bearing all his blackened teeth. The hand crawled into the trash can first, then Luna, followed by the worm-like man.

Luna was happy. She had that warm feeling of belonging to someone.

 

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