Tuesday, October 7, 2014

FUCK / DESPERATE FOR BETTER



Bradford Middleton was born in south-east London in 1971 and spent the next thirty years trying to escape.  He now lives in Brighton and has been trying to escape here since about 2008.  He has won a few local competitions, has been published widely online and recently completed his debut novel DIVE. 


FUCK

Fuck fuck fuck
I ain’t in a long time
But right now
All i want to do is scream
FUCK FUCK FUCK
My mind is bent all out of shape
Cos shit this week
Has been mostly insane
FUCK FUCK FUCK
A neighbour hung herself
Whilst again I been
Drinking and smoking way too much again
FUCK FUCK FUCK



DESPERATE FOR BETTER

Desperation has gripped me firm and all I know is now, now is the time I’ve got to get out
Out of this flat in this house of the last resort where the bugs now reign supreme
And the pesky maintenance guy is trying to blame it all on me
But not this time, not any more am I going to take the blame for something I ain’t done
How can one person be responsible anyway?  They come in from anywhere
Through the skirting boards, through the wooden floors and up the walls
Or worse yet lost in the acrid scum that has developed all over my carpet

But in this town there ain’t anywhere new for me
I dig up four of five places a day and they all reply with the same two answers
If you’re on housing benefit too bad, even if you work part-time
Or news that the place has already gone
Even occasionally I’ll arrange a viewing and grow excited and I’ll show up, wait
Looking like I’m casing the area for a burglary before finally realising that the agent can’t even bother to show
Leaving me just feeling angry and increasingly desperate, desperate to escape this house of last resort

When I moved to this town I was desperate, desperate for a new beginning
A bit of the quiet life that I’d grown accustomed to whilst away at university
But a job of any kind, let alone well paid and full-time, was impossible to find
So I fell in with the writing crowd, desperate to find some like-minded souls
After what I saw I decided it seemed like a bit of fun so I started the writing
Eventually I became a published poet and even finished my debut novel
But all this time the only job I could get was as a low-paid sales assistant role

Now they seem to be telling me that is not enough, you need more
More money to move in here despite the fact my life, miraculously, costs not much
Obviously I need to get some help off the housing benefit but I’d even need to do that if I was working full-time
So again it appears we’re in a place that reek of rented rooms rather than a real home
I’ve not got long, need to make plans and see what transpires
It could mean a move out of this city that seems to exclude my types
But where to then and could there be any better?


No comments:

Post a Comment